hard times.

 hey guys. i've been absent for a bit around here... i wanted to come back for a post about something that's been difficult for me as of late.

those of you who know me well know that my dog, Misty, has been such a big part of my life since i was about 15. my mom and grandma got her for me after my parents split up, thinking it would help. my childhood dog had died not long before, and we weren't used to not having a dog in the house! (we're such dog people.) so my mom and Nana took me to this breeder out of the blue one day, and gave me Misty. she was a shih-tzu/poodle mix and was the cutest little thing. i loved her right away.

i know that some people don't understand how having a pet can be such a major thing, and i get that it does sound silly sometimes and people can go overboard. but i wanted to share why Misty was so important to me. not only did my parents get divorced when i was in high school, but i was just going through a hard time in general. i grew up with a mom who had bad anger managment issues, and her lack of control over that often came down on me. at the time i didn't feel like my father loved me because he never showed it. my siblings were not nice to me at that time either. i felt pretty alone. i used to lock myself in my room and just cry and not want to come out. i remember wishing that i could go to sleep and not wake up in the morning, because that would be easier. but when i got Misty, having her there helped. i felt like she was the only living thing in my house that cared about me. it didn't matter if i was upset or angry or whatever, she just wanted to be there to love me. in some ways, i feel like this little puppy saved me.

all of that might sound really weird or crazy to you guys, and that's okay. you're allowed to think i'm nuts. :) things have since gotten better with my family since i am no longer an angsty teen, and i have been able to get past my family's issues for the most part. what is breaking my heart now is that i had to say goodbye to my baby last thursday. after 12 years, Misty was having breathing issues and passed away at home. it was the hardest thing to say goodbye, to see my dad cry over her, to dig her a grave next to our old dog and bury her. but i am thankful i got so much time with her and that she gave me an escape from some of the worst times in my life. she will forever be my love and my angel. i love you, "Kitten."

xo