compromise.

i've been struggling with the concept of compromise lately. not so much with people, but myself. i have strong beliefs and i know what i will and won't do. but as of late, my limits have been tested and i feel weak.

my roommate tells me all the time that i'm too hard on myself. maybe that's part of the problem. i know that i am far from perfect, and i'm definitely not a perfectionist. but i think since i have certain standards for my own life that i (am supposed to) hold on to, i constantly feel like i'm failing when one little thing is out of place. lately, anything from conversations to thoughts to hard situations instantly turn my mood from good to bad. the day can start great, but i let all the unimportant things take over. why do they seem so important at the time? they're really not.

this is what i've figured out. most of what i stress over, agonize about, and let turn my mood is so worthless. in the grand scheme, i worry for nothing. and the things i stress about aren't even the problem in the end. the problem ends up being what i've said or done because of the bad mood i find myself acting upon. to me, that's so unhealthy. maybe that's just a personal standard i have for myself. but either way, i know i haven't felt good about the way i've compromised the way i want to be. i want to take every situation, good or bad, as it comes, and deal with it in a positive way. of course, not everything is positive, but i don't want to let hardships get the best of me. they have been getting all of me lately, and i hate it. i'm frustrated with myself, and people in my life are frustrated with me too. that is the worst part to me. i so value the people in my life, and i'm wrecking things.

it's just been a hard couple of months, i suppose. things can't change unless i let them. i felt like posting might help, and if any of you feel like this too, let me know. it's not good to feel as if you're the only one facing demons!

xo.