motivation.

this is something i consistently lack. motivation to work out, get up at 5:30 a.m. for my job, clean, keep my room neat and tidy, and go grocery shopping is not in abundant supply right now.

i have to get motivated if i'm going to do my 10K from last year, though.. seems early to sign up but Zooma has a deal where you sign up before Nov. 30 and get a free t-shirt. i can never seem to turn that down.

in other news.. i need to go christmas shopping. the holidays are kind of awful now that my family isn't really a family.. but i still have my friends to think of too. my house is decorated all christmas cute, so that's nice.

and now i figure.. why not end the 30 days of truth. it's about time. so here you go.

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Jesus Christ, without a doubt. He is why I live. without Him, i might not be alive. everything from my car accident to depression to having no faith might have killed me, but He gives me reasons to live.

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

yes. my sophomore year of high school was a really bad time for me. since elementary school, i had always been a great student (except for math, which i will never understand). my parents were at the height of their horrible marriage and were constantly screaming at each other, and they finally got divorced. it wasn't a surprise or anything, but i remember feeling awful all the time outside of being with my friends and my extracurricular activities. my grades took a turn for the worst. life in my house was not fun.. i remember just locking myself in my room and not coming out. there were times i wanted to die. i still thank God that i never actually wanted to do anything to myself, that thought was in my head but i always knew i couldn't go through with anything. i did feel hopeless. but i'm glad i didn't give up. when i went to college, things got much better.

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

my job and my work at church. having a leadership role there has been such a good experience.

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

i'm not having sex 'til marriage, but if i got pregnant, i would keep the baby. i mean, at 24 years old, i have a stable job and i'm a mature adult. it's not like i couldn't raise a kid. but i wouldn't want to get pregnant outside of marriage ever! and if i really felt i couldn't raise a child, i would give him or her up for adoption.

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

sometimes i just get into a frame of mind where i am negative and nothing is good.. i don't like that about myself. granted, that happens mostly at times where things really are not going well. but i don't like to be so down about it-- i'd rather be able to fully trust God for what He can do in those situations and not give up so easily. oh, and having panic attacks. but i don't think i have control of that one!

Day 30: Tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

i don't like being self-glorifying! haha but here it goes.

1. my sense of caring for other people.
2. the fact that i successfully taught myself how to play guitar, and i'm good at it.
3. being able to sing.
4. my love of Post-It notes to write encouraging things :)
5. my vision for my future, even though it daily changes and is always uncertain
6. my ability to be a writer.
7. being a good role model for my sister.
8. being a good friend.
9. never getting tired of music!
10. i love that i can cook. i've discovered that some people just can't haha

end of the 30 days! hope you enjoyed it.