Tuesday, December 9, 2008


Last night at bible study the girls encouraged both me and Robin because I'm graduating (though not leaving- yay!) and Robin is bravely moving to Baltimore to do her student teaching. That girl amazes me with her heart for people who truly need. This move is a big deal and I'm really proud of her for taking it on. Anyway, she was encouraging me and she said something that really made me think-- something along the lines of how she sees that I truly live my life for the Lord. While I'm glad that comes across to other people, I know it isn't as true as it needs to be. I am a prideful, selfish, too emotional, sometimes crazy girl. My roommates can attest to this and really, it's a shameful thing to me when I think about how I am sometimes and what I am showing to other people. Some people, like Robin, see the good part of me. But there are ones that see the very human part of me, mostly people I am extremely close to. I feel like they are almost allowed to see that since they know me so well. But that doesn't mean that I should be the way I am. I will always be a human with flaws, and most of the time those flaws get corrected because I realize what I'm doing and I have the ability to stop it. However, I think the whole point of Jesus' forgiveness and our repentance is so that we won't make the same mistakes over and over again. That is probably the hardest thing for me to focus on. So thank you, my lovely Breakaway girls, for being so encouraging and loving... and thank you, Robin, for opening my eyes and making me see that I want everyone around me to see me as a true, honest Christ follower.


1 comment:

RW's said...

Oh, you are certainly not alone. I was sitting there for a lot of last night thinking to myself, "wow thats so great that they think that about me... but is that really true?" I mean, its really me; Im not being fake or pretending with anyone. But differebt people bring out different sides of me (not that I have multiple personalities but just characteristics). So whats really me? Am I really Christ-like and just sometimes mess up when I am around people who are not Christ-like, or am I really of the world and just happen to act Christ-like when I am surrounded by Christians?

I dont really know how to put it in words. But I think that if I have to wonder if who I am is true then I have something to work on.

And my first response was, "Is that good enough" and I think thats part of the problem too. Because it is not about being good enough, I cant be. But it is about worshiping God just becasue He is. And living for Him not for anything that I could possibly get out of it, even if I never see Heaven, I should still worship God because He deserves it.

So, all of that to say, I understand where you are coming from. And last night was a great reminder to me of who I should be all the time and not just in apperances.