reflections.

this weekend i went on a retreat for middle schoolers that is hosted every year by my old church. this is the fifth year i've gone to serve in the worship band for them. i love being surrounded by those kids, seeing them free in worship and knowing they believe. it's easy for me to doubt that younger kids know what Jesus really means. but this retreat corrects my disbelief every time.

at one point during a time of worship this weekend, ryan (the youth pastor) was talking to the kids about "not my will, but Yours be done, Lord." that phrase has stuck with me since the weekend ended. i think that maybe my life is about 80% Christ every day. where is that other 20% then? it pours into my attitude, talking about others when i shouldn't, disliking my job so strongly some days, worrying about money, feeling like a failed musician/worship leader. it leaves me feeling not good enough.

but i think God wants us to see the best parts of ourselves and quit looking at the bad. not to ignore the problems, of course, but to get away from meaningless things. because if we concentrate on the meaningless stuff, that's all that we'll become. i don't want another day to be meaningless in my life. there's a lot i don't know. i don't know where i'll be living after another year. i don't know if i'm going to get married or change jobs or become better at music or just stay the same. but i know i'm not in control and i'm thankful for today.

"for this is our God for ever and ever,
He will be our guide even to the end."

-psalm 48:14

"Your love never fails, it never gives up;
it never runs out on me..."

-jesus culture, "one thing remains"

"in death by love, the fallen world was overcome
He wears the scars of our freedom
in His Name all our fears are swept away;
He never fails."

-hillsong, "take heart"