okay. i've been going through a really difficult struggle concerning my job situation/options and going broke and not knowing what to do at all. like i have no idea what's right and if what i have to do to go through with a certain job offer is worth it.. i'm just really at a loss for wisdom. i read these verses in 1 peter tonight and i feel like i'm doing what the prophets were doing (i know it's not in the same context, work with me here). i've been searching intently and with great care, trying to get things done based on time and circumstances (time is running out, btw). when i got to the part that says "they were not serving themselves" i kind of realized how much i have been serving myself. i'm asking God what to do but at the same time, He handed me a job offer like immediately when i got home from college. it may not be perfect, it may not be under the exact conditions that i'd like, it may not make the most money, but God provided it. even though He did that, i've still been intently searching, looking for a way out, for something else according to what i want. so selfish of me. i'm trying to serve myself because i think i know better. God probably thinks i'm insane... like, "okay, you ask me for help and to provide, but when i give it to you, you want to go your own way." i don't know how i get so caught up in what i want for myself. i've been driving myself literally crazy trying to change my own life and make it something i'm dying to have while denying what God has put in front of me.
i think i've got my answer right there.